Paving my Path to Purification
Purification of the heart or tazkiyah in Islam is task of giving form to the act of righteous living itself: treating every moment of life with remembering one’s position in front of Allah. It is the process of transforming the nafs fr towards the level of purity and submission to the will of Allah, Its basis is in learning the shari’ah and deeds from the known authentic sunnah (‘ilm) and applying it in your own deeds through life resulting in spiritual awareness of Allah being constantly aware that He is with us by His knowledge and knows all that we do, along with being in constant remembrance or Dhikr .
When reading this months Sisters Magazine, I came across a quiz called “Paving your path to purification”. I understand the quiz is meant to be fun and not taken too seriously. However I felt my results were quite accurate. It said I required purification through balance. This is exactly what I need in my life, balance.
A balance of solitary activities and interactive activities.
For me it seems that when I do one I seem to have difficulties doing the other. This balance is hard to achieve. Sometimes, I feel the overwhelming urge to go out in to the community every day, and constantly interact with others. At these points of my life I start feeling down if I do not go out for more then one day. Every day will have something that “needs” to be done. Community work, classes, exercise, lectures .
Then at other times I feel as if there is no point going out and doing all this stuff if I cannot do the basics. I long to stay home every day and focus on my house and children. This is rarely possible, then I dream of flexi schooling and three day weekends. This also results in reducing visits to family and friends, and difficulty in maintaining ties.
Part of the reason for this is that If I attend a lecture or class then by the time I come back I find it hard to engage myself in solitary activities, or general activities involving kids, home, husband. I feel tired. I will cook quick and easy dishes and do the minimum I can get away with. These activities always seem to take up more time then originally intended.
I feel like in order to achieve balance I need more barakah in my time.
I always feel like I could be doing more on one side or the other. I see sisters around me doing so much, with their kids, with their learning, with community.
However, i know others think the same of me.
The Author of the quiz included the hadith
“Do deeds within your capacity as Allah swt does not get tired, but you will get tired, and the best deed in the sight of Allah swt is that which is done regularly” Bukhari
This is a great reminder that we can do as much as we can, every person is different. We need to slowly establish one beneficial change in our life and make it a habit. This may be establishing salaah, reading Quran every day, attending halaqas weekly, volunteering once or twice a month, cleaning out the kitchen cupboards regularly, establishing a routine with kids! We have to know and accept our limitations and responsibilities.
Personally I try and stick to a routine. I keep my activities limited to the afternoons, and the two evenings a week when my husband is home, in order that the mornings are free for me to dedicate to the house. This ensures I don’t get frazzled and commit to too much. I try and focus on solitary activities in small chunks. This makes things more manageable. Especially when factoring in the need to stop often to attend to kids. It also allows me to spend more time with them in between without me feeling as if they are interrupting me! Every day I make a mental list of what I need to do, the essentials, then add just one extra activity.
Whatever we do we must not try to implement everything all at once as it will be overwhelming for us and we will get tired. This is ok. We are not superwomen. We will make mistakes and find things tough. We will be naturally inclined and better at somethings then others. This just makes the reward for things done with the right intention more for us inshallah.
So if you are finding things hard, do not despair, know you will be rewarded for your struggle. Allah will help you.